ADHD Kids - From a Mom's Point of View

Ok, I'm not a doctor. Not at all. I'm just a mom who has several ADHD kids, who figures we'll eventually end up 6 for 6.

This is a description from the perspective of a Mom on the kids and their different ADHD types.

Henry, Age 13. Diagnosed in 3rd Grade. ADHD Type: Hyperfocus

Henry is our oldest and we completely missed the fact that he was ADHD. His third grade teacher caught it and we were honestly shocked. Henry is a strait A student, as smart as he can be, an avid reader, a fantastic big brother and just an all around good kid. When his teacher told me he was ADHD, I laughed.... but, I did my due diligence and had him evaluated by the pediatrician.

I remember as we were filling out the ADHD questionnaire, I still didn't think Henry was ADHD. However, the whole time we were working on it we were saying "Timothy would score high here, and here, and here, and here" and Timothy was only 3.

So Henry is hyperfocus. I'm not 100% sure that is an official ADHD term, but here is a bit of what that looks like. He's an avid reader. I mean avid. You get him a book, he's reading until it's done. You get him a series, he'll come out to eat, but that's about it.

He loves video games. Most kids do. But when he battles, he forgets to breathe and ends up throwing up from trying so hard. This doesn't happen all the time, but we had to get him in the habit of remembering to breathe in the midst of everything.

In school they give him a Chromebook, groan. He can't focus with tech. He got around the school's filters to play games in class and he can't seem to keep the consequences of playing during class in mind. His grades dropped dramatically.

He loves Football and will start a game sorta meh. Once he gets one good play though he's on absolute fire for the rest of the game. He was MVP in several things his 7th grade year despite walking on to the field never having played a game of football and hardly having watched it.

Emily, Age 11. Diagnosed in 4th grade. ADHD Type: Inattentive, Also Dyslexic

Emily was diagnosed in 2nd grade with Dyslexia, which was supposed to explain her troubles with reading while she excelled at math and I believe in many ways it did explain it. There are times when she was learning to read that I would get so frustrated with her that I'd literally lose it. I figured she must not be trying. It didn't help that she was right on the edge of reading when Covid-19 became a thing.

It was fourth grade before her teacher noticed the inattentive ADHD and brought it to our attention. Once again, we filled out the paperwork thinking there was no way this girl was ADHD.... except for one bit. The questions about daydreaming. I knew she scored high there, and the ones about talking non stop.

So that was Emily. Sometimes she was in her own world, and if she wasn't she was talking your ear off at 100MPH.

Timothy, Age 8. Diagnosed at Age 5. Type: Hyperactive with ODD tendencies

Timothy was the textbook type of ADHD and diagnosed early. He was about 3 when we were filling out Henry's paperwork and thinking he was ADHD, but since he was three we obviously didn't have him diagnosed.

When he was a newborn he'd cry all day long, and then when the kids got home and the house got loud, he'd settle down enough to fall asleep. It took nearly all 6 weeks of my maternity leave for me to catch on to the pattern. Apparently though, this is an early sign of ADHD.

By the time he was five, and the terrible two's hadn't ever ended, we knew it was time. He was obviously hyperactive, which was problematic but not a deal breaker. However, he also had these times where he was mean or dangerous. He'd threaten to run away or beat me up for asking him to do his chore (my kids all have daily chores). We didn't even know where he got that language! Sometimes he'd throw a fit and decide he couldn't do it. The threats were the ODD piece.

All of that got better with medication. So much better.

So what is he like three years later? Still hyper, and still on daily medication. Of all of my kids, he is the most likely to use a cuss word and get caught, despite the consequences. He LOVES, LOVES, LOVES video games and his mind is on them constantly, even when he's grounded from playing. He still has moments where he thinks that his chore is way too hard and he'll never get it done and he gets all depressed-acting about it. His medication works, but I can tell for sure when it wears off. In the mornings, before he's had his pill, or before it takes effect, he sings the song of his people -- it sounds something like George of the Jungles Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahaw. I know that sound. I know it means he hasn't had his meds, (or he just had them), and we fix it immediately.

With all of that he is absolutely the most loving, affectionate kid I have. The hyperactive energy that he puts into everything else means that he gives the biggest hugs. He puts his entire being into those hugs and they change my world.

When he's focused on a chore, he works like none of my other kids. He can take a messy closet and a messy room and transform them when he's focused, and he seems to enjoy his work.

He's mechanical. He was the kid who took apart all of his toys. He loves to build things (think Ikea), he loves Legos, he loves working with his hands.

When he's at school, after his pill kicks in, his teachers rave about how good he is. They're always positive, while I'm really more practical, but his second grade teacher told me that after his pill kicks in, she'd willingly take 10 more of him, and I believed her.

He's also dyslexic and has dysgraphia, but he's more successful at reading than Emily was at his age. We had him diagnosed the end of 1st grade because we started seeing the signs. He started Take Flight the beginning of 2nd grade. He claims that he can't read, but he really can. I know he can. I've seen him read things in video games or card games that he doesn't think he can read.

Alexander. Age 5. Diagnosed at Age 5. ADHD type: Hyperactive and Inattentive

Now that we've got the hang of this, we started picking up on Alexander's ADHD tendencies early. Again, we failed to do anything about it other than bring it up to the ADHD specialist that I see to help me parent these ADHD children. He doesn't diagnose before 6 years of age so it was a wait and watch game for us.

Then, on top of all of the other tendencies, Alexander threw the cat off the top of the stairs, and the cat didn't quite land on his feet. Poor kitty. He survived, but his leg is in a cast. That was the last straw for me. We'd been telling Alexander not to pick up the cats, and showing him over and over and over how to treat animals gently and how to respect their feelings and freewill for over a year. I skipped the ADHD specialist and went strait to our doctor who diagnosed him and put him on a dose of methylphenidate.

So, what is life like with a 5 year old hyperactive, inattentive ADHD child?

This one is mean to animals, though he loves them, and not just the cat. He's impulsive. He jumps on the furniture, sneaks to a spot upstairs where he can watch TV at night and refuses to nap or go to sleep for hours. He talks all the time. He'll ask me a question, I'll answer it, and he'll either say "what" or ask the same question again and again. If I cannot answer him when he first asks the question, he'll make sure I know he asked it.

He's super clingy. He will hang on me, roll on me, and step on me. Again, if he feels ignored, even if I've answered him, he'll repeat himself over and over again. He's super sweet though. He's the first to thank me for dinner and tells me that he loves me. He helps cook too.

Sand is his favorite thing to play with. He has an outdoor sandbox and an indoor kinetic sand box. He plays with both often. He now also plays with his nearly 2yo little brother, though they still fight over the popular toys.

He's a thief. He steals stuff constantly from other parts of the house. Most recently, when I cleaned his room out, I found bottles of mint extract from the cupboard above my microwave. I have no idea how he got in there. He cannot follow directions if asked to do more than one thing at a time, and often we have to ask him to do (or stop doing) one thing multiple times.

He goes quiet when receiving consequences. I don't know if he just doesn't hear me when I'm talking, or if he's going to be one of those people who sulks and then ends up explosively angry. I should probably bring that up to my specialist.

So what is the point of this post? Really, it's for the first time moms who are thinking that there might be a hint of ADHD in your family. These are observations from a mom with several different types of ADHD kids. I hope this might help someone else as you navigate the minefield that can be ADHD. Generally the hyperactive ones get caught, but the other ones often get overlooked.

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Kristian is a mom of six, Program Manager by day, active Professional Photographer by trade, and a big believer in finding beauty in the everyday chaos.

Life in our house is loud, messy and full of literally everything. Love, noise, laundry, laughter, and definitely could use a bit more grace. I'm happily married to my best friend, grounded in my Catholic faith, and fueled by five to six hours of sleep per night and adrenaline.

I try to find joy in the everyday — even when it's wild, because without the little bit of joy, this life would be unbearable. This space is for the moms in the middle of it all: the ones juggling family, faith, work, and wonder. The ones that need someone else's messy life to make their own seem better or somewhat normal. You're not alone, and you're doing better than you think.

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