Burnt Out

I'm sitting here alone in my office for a change, only the dog and cats to bother me, trying my hardest to focus and it just won't come.

It's day three of the school year, the baby has been at daycare for four days and I tell you, I've been ready to get these kids out of the house and kick butt at work for a month.

It's been a hard month too. The cat and his broken leg, the financial strain of fixing the leg, my husband has been sick twice, and three of the kiddos have been sick as well. The baby is spewing green boogers everywhere but no fever, so I think the prediction that she's going to be an allergy kid is accurate.

But the hardest part of this past month has been working while managing five kids. Three are independent, one is very needy and sneaky, and the other is a 5 month old baby.

So I'm alone now and still can't seem to function. What gives?

Then it hits me. I'm burnt out. Even though I should be celebrating my newfound freedom, burn out has hit hard.

Generally, when I burn out it is on the thing that has led to the burn out. For example, if I burn out at work, I still function OK at the house. If I burn out on chores, I do fine at work. If I burn out on kids, I hide in my bedroom for a while. Generally it doesn't cross paths like this.

Maybe it's the beginning of the school year, day 2 of 6:30AM football practices, or just the compilation of my husband being sick so much and me not feeling like much more than a maid. Maybe it's the washing machine that quit, again, and the fight with the warranty company to attempt to get it replaced or at least worked on in a timely manner. Maybe it's hormonal, my cycles are back and still in their infancy post-partum. Maybe it's the fact that after I put the baby down, I still hold a broken legged feline all night and don't actually get any me time. Maybe I'm just burnt out on everything.

I know I'm not the only mom to feel this. The relief that was supposed to come when the school year started has been replaced by a groggy state of dread and binging Oreo cookies. So what did I do? I went shopping and I left Hal with the kids until bedtime. Sounds silly, but this is what happened:

• I found cute new baby clothes (after three boys in a row, finding cute girl clothes is so much fun)

• I randomly found football mouthguards on sale (a check off of my to do list)

• I got to eat at Chipotle, alone, with no one hanging off of me.

• I managed to get distance and space to work through that tear-prickling I'm about to cry feeling that happens with sheer overwhelm.

• I got to walk around my favorite store without kids and look at what I wanted to look at without worrying about them breaking anything.

• I saw an incredible sunset and stopped off at the park to photograph it, smart phone in hand.

• The space made me feel like I could go home and be a mom who was an asset to my kids.

To all the moms out there trying, we'll make it, we always do.

From my circus of six to yours — keep going,

Kristian

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Mama, I see you.You’re running on empty, juggling all the things, and it’s been way too long since you’ve felt truly beautiful. I get it—because I’ve been there. That’s exactly why I created luxury portrait sessions at Kristian Hutchings Portraits. You’ll come into my studio, let someone else do your hair and makeup, and then just breathe while I pose and pamper you. You can bring your family, or you can make this all about you. Either way, you’ll leave with portraits that make you stop and say, “Wow… that’s me.”

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Kristian is a mom of six, Program Manager by day, active Professional Photographer by trade, and a big believer in finding beauty in the everyday chaos.

Life in our house is loud, messy and full of literally everything. Love, noise, laundry, laughter, and definitely could use a bit more grace. I'm happily married to my best friend, grounded in my Catholic faith, and fueled by five to six hours of sleep per night and adrenaline.

I try to find joy in the everyday — even when it's wild, because without the little bit of joy, this life would be unbearable. This space is for the moms in the middle of it all: the ones juggling family, faith, work, and wonder. The ones that need someone else's messy life to make their own seem better or somewhat normal. You're not alone, and you're doing better than you think.

Welcome to Six Sweet Smiles — where we celebrate the mess, the miracles, and everything in between.